I could barely conceal the smile that crossed my face when I read about a new guide to good in-car manners and there are few people who need a copy more than me.
Only this evening I sat patiently at the wheel of my Honda FR-V after giving way to a driver who had a long hill to climb before there was room for my car. I’d just dropped my Mum off, my small boys were giggling in their car seats after a day-trip to the Isle of Wight and the evening sun was the crown on a beautiful day. I thought nothing could change my good mood…
Until the driver I’d let pass completely ignored my good-will gesture. Rather than raising a polite hand of thanks, the miserable motorist virtually scowled as she drove by.
Instead of letting the incident pass with dignity, I came over all Gordon-Brown and slagged her off, mouthing obscenities that would have been more at home in a rugby Sin Bin than a Surrey street.
My over-reaction surprised even me and I failed to consider how my behaviour would come across to my two eves-dropping passengers, let alone anyone else.
I am generally genial but there’s something about other people’s lack of manners that has me acting like a harpy.
And so I turned to Debrett’s. They are the first stop anyone who wants to improve their manners should make and they say they are “the modern authority on all matters of etiquette, social occasions, people of distinction and fine style”.
They’ve just teamed up with Vauxhall to publish the elegantly titled: Thoroughly Modern Motoring Manners from Debrett’s and Astra.
It’s a bit of a marketing coup for Vauxhall because they’re not a car manufacturer I would naturally connect with the Social Season; it’s a bit like suggesting Prince Charles sells his Duchy Originals exclusively through Lidl, but I’m all for crossing the class barriers.
“Contemporary car design is all about great style, so it’s important that today’s drivers behave in a way that matches what their car says about them,” says Simon Ewart, from the Vauxhall Astra team. Either I bear that in mind, or I will have to down-grade to a rusty old banger.
The C word is back on the menu – CHIVALRY – and there was me thinking it had gone down the same pan as the Prawn Cocktail. The guide suggests the chivalrous man should not only make sure we ladies are comfy in the car, but offer to take our coats, adjust our seats and keep the car’s temperature to our liking!
And how many years of re-training will that take? I’m normally carrying his coat, opening my window because he refuses to turn off the boiling heater, while spending the journey avoiding spillages from the coffee cups he’s discarded on the floor!
Debrett’s even suggests the chivalrous male holds his tongue regarding clichéd comments about women drivers. (I can’t even manage that!)
Being ladylike is also back in fashion, so I have a lot to learn, including how to get in and out of my car.
The guide says: “Smooth down your skirt. Keeping your knees together, swivel your body and swing your legs outwards. Place one foot down, keeping your knees together. Dip your head and shoulders forward and slide and glide out of the car.”
That’s all very well but how am I supposed load two sticky nippers into their car seats wearing a pencil skirt and kitten heels? My uniform for the past five years has been jam-smeared denim and I don’t see that changing over the next few months.
Idealistically it would be great if this guide were to be taken seriously by ‘motorists’ (I love that old-fashioned word!) and made mandatory reading by anyone about to take their driving test, but let’s face it, that isn’t going to happen. I have only one friend who has repeatedly taken my breath away by her calm demeanor behind the wheel, but she just has natural inner grace I find impossible to acquire.
Quite how tongue-in-cheek the Thoroughly Modern Motoring Manners from Debrett’s and Astra is, I don’t know, but it is working on my conscience and I am going to make a real effort to make manners matter and fend off the desire to raise a finger in road rage.
