I had a ‘girls night in’ recently and we got on to the subject of ‘being the wife’ at office dos.
Despite being disarmingly softly spoken and kind it is one of my friends, not her equally warm, intelligent husband, who is the corporate mover and shaker. It is he, who is required to take on the role of ‘guest’. So how does he fit in?
Simply: he avoids such occasions. The polished shoes and small talk do little to inspire anyone to let their hair down and pontificate on matters over and above the state of the sausage rolls, crudites or whatever they’re called these days – ah, canapes (I don’t get out much!). He is no trophy husband.
My friend glibly highlighted the fact that accompanying women at these affairs were all “second wives or hookers” and years younger than she, although she’s just hit forty. Her colleagues fell silent at her remark. There was nothing bitter in her repost, mere observation. And there’s nothing wrong with being a second wife – albeit common-law – I am one myself.
Said friend was horrified to realise that, after taking in the ‘talent’ around her, she befitted the ‘first wife’ category – normally reserved for home-life, rearing the kids!
Should we be grateful for these glitzy, effortful, nights out?
It’s mandatory for most execs to attend these things. Some like networking and take off to the golf club with glee, some just want to get on with their jobs. Can we blame them for being driven into the arms of these escorts and party-savvy sweeties if we’re not there for them? Aren’t they crying out for our support?
Does the fact that we abjectly refuse to don a tight smile for three hours, once in a blue moon, mean we are not fulfilling our duty to our hardworking other halves?
I’m as fickle as the next person: Believe me if I were offered front-row seats to the Men’s Final at Wimbledon with after-match Pimms and strawbs, I would be there quicker than you can say ‘Okay Yah’! A night in a football club bar, forget it.
I’m fortunate that as my partner is a teacher, the last person he wants at one of his drunken get-togethers is a saggy ol’ bird who smells of nappies, can barely brush her hair let alone let it down and who’ll talk about the kids, or his bad habits, all night.
It’s difficult because in my past life I’ve been to a lot of corporate events and had to a lot talk to people I have nothing in common with for such a short amount of time it’s impossible to strike up a professional, let alone friendly, relationship but I can see why they are necessary. However, I would hate to think of my partner being judged professionally because of his choice of wife. What would you do?
If an organization attracts a bunch of men in monkey suits experiencing mid-life crises, your friend and her husband should RUN AWAY QUICKLY.
I am married to an executive, and our functions are primarily attended by intelligent couples who are passionate about their business and generous to their communities. Of course, my husband’s employers have always recognized the value of a spouse (well, most of them anyway).
Maybe your friend’s husband should take advantage of the situation. If everyone else is so lame, he should be able to stand out among them and work the room to his wife’s advantage. Staying home really shouldn’t be n option. A wife would be expected to attend in support of her husband, so why shouldn’t a man? He’s not only missing opportunities, but creating a handicap for his wife.