August 5th, 2010 by 
I am preparing for my summer holiday, in which we will motor to Switzerland and stay on a farm with my common-in-laws. My father-in-law’s wife is Swiss-French, he’s lived and worked there for eons and I don’t want to seem like the hapless foreigner but is it worth me trying to fit in or should I enjoy my ‘stupid English’ status?
“Pardonez-Moi je suis sorry but je ne compris much…?!”
If I parlay with my smattering of Seventies’ schoolgirl French, will they think I am polite, prosaic or pathetic?
I know for a fact that if I lived in another country the first thing I would do would be to enrol in language lessons because I think it is a disgrace when we assume everyone else is going to speak in our mother tongue. However, when holidaying abroad it could be deemed a pain for everyone to have to endure the embarrassment of misunderstood phrases, frantic hand-waving and the occasional accidental profanity due to mispronunciation.
Once, when working in Germany for six months, I managed to have a four-hour conversation in a bizarre mix of French and German on a train ride to Milan but that is the only time in my life I’ve ever totally eschewed English.
Floundering Foreigner Fitting in
In order not to be treated like a British version of Fawlty Towers’ Manuel on my hols, maybe I should just arm myself with this useful phrase, in each of Switzerland’s four languages:
I am English – Sorry! I speak a little French/German/Italian/Rumantsch but not enough to impress. I will however, do my best, Now, where are the toilets, please?
Or as Google Translate http://translate.google.com would have it:
French: Je suis anglais – Désolé! Je parle un peu français / allemand / italien / Flemmish mais pas assez pour impressionner. Je vais toutefois faire de mon mieux, maintenant: Où sont les toilettes, s’il vous plaît?
German: Ich bin English – Entschuldigung! Ich spreche ein wenig Deutsch / Französisch / Italienisch / Flemmish aber nicht genug, um zu beeindrucken. Ich werde jedoch mein Bestes tun, jetzt: Wo sind die Toiletten, bitte?
Italian: Io sono Inglese – Scusa! Parlo un po ‘di francese / tedesco / italiano / Flemmish ma non abbastanza per impressionare. Io però, fare del mio meglio, ora: Dove sono i servizi igienici, per favore?
Rumantsch: Not an option. (Get with it Google Translate!)
Brits Abroad: Behaviour Unbecoming
It’s no revelation that Brits Abroad have a shocking reputation overseas. Although it often comes down to our third favourite subject after football and the weather… class. Much of the bad stuff seems to go hand-in-hand with alcohol-related incidents.
A new Foreign Office report has revealed alarming figures about the thousands of UK tourists who were arrested or in trouble overseas last year.
For example: “944 Brits were arrested for drug-related offences last year, accounting for a seventh of all arrests of British Nationals around the globe.”
“Prevention is better than cure” suggests the Minister for Consular Affairs Jeremy Browne, who recommends four things:
- Take out comprehensive travel insurance
- Research the local laws and customs
- Check if you need vaccination or medicine
- Make copies of important documents
You can see more in the YouTube UK Foreign Office video:
Right, I’d better sort myself out and re-visit the Travel Check List my common-law Mother-in-law gave me. Now I must arrange my travel insurance so, until next time, au revoir and bonnes vacances!
