My name is Sarah. I’m 42 and I’m having a mid-life lust crisis. At least that’s what it feels like and if there is a twelve-step programme that weans me off Simon Baker, aka Patrick Jane, the star of Channel 5’s The Mentalist then, please, let me know.
If you’ll pardon the vernacular I have found myself going ‘mental’ over this Aryan Adonis with the smile of an altruistic Cheshire cat. The fact that he’s a 40-year-old ex surfer dude from Down Under makes him even more of a thrill, even if his name is more Hovis than Hollywood.
Traditionally a Mentalist is a kind of stage illusionist – think Derren Brown with personality, charm and good looks – and Baker’s character may have confessed to being a complete hoax but he’s certainly worked his magic hypnotising me, big time.
So is this behaviour normal: Sky Plus-ing and series-linking a show just so I can steal down in the middle of the night to coo over him at any given opportunity; Mentioning his name to anyone I can in the hope they continue, and build on, the theme of Simon Baker? I’m even considering putting a pic of him on the inside of my wardrobe door, so I can feel like I’m dressing for him – and me a feminist!
I’ve always been one for crushes, safe ones from afar, for people I haven’t a hope of meeting or being with; I’ve admired beautiful, happily married family men for their open hearts and contented smiles and, according to the press, Le Baker falls into this category.
He’s happily married with three kids with doting famous friends; Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts are his kids’ godparents. How do I know this??? I’ve fallen hook, line and sinker!
(If, however, these crush-victims were taken in by my twinkle and left their families for me I would be instantly lose respect. The fickle gene emerges.)
This feels like a female version of a mid-life crisis, or MLC (I’ve got theories about men’s MLCs but those are for another time!). Psychologist Carl Jung, who came up with the idea, reckoned they’re all part of the natural maturing process. So why do I feel like a school girl? Am I resisting growing old, or denying my family status? Am I channelling some deep-seated depression?
I’m not unhappy with my lot, I chose it and feel fulfilled and I’ve enjoyed most of my life. Yes, I am broke and worried about mortality and feel constantly exhausted but that’s all part of being a mother, isn’t it?
So maybe my obsession with Mr Baker is just a phase. I’m sure my fickle gene will show itself again when I fast-forward into the midlife transition stage and start fantasising about sexy Joseph Fiennes, now he’s moved on from Shakespeare In Love to star in the glossy American show, Flash Forward.
But what happens when Series 2 of The Mentalist comes onto our screens? It’s all too much! Now I am having a crisis. Can anyone help me?
